Ways to manage anxious thoughts and feelings
There’s never a good time to experience a bereavement, but it can be particularly difficult if you are going to or already at university. Whether your special person died recently or not, coping with grief at university is tough.
If you live on campus, you are away from home and your usual support networks. You have to adapt to living away, make new friends and deal with the pressure of exams and dissertations, all while grieving.
If you were bereaved when you were younger, milestones like going to university can trigger your grief. It’s a reminder that your special person isn’t there to see you get your results, get a place at university and help you move into student halls.
Here are some of the reasons why grieving at university is difficult and ways to cope. Thank you to Angus for sharing his experience of grieving at university and advice for others.
Why might grieving at university be difficult?
1. You are away from home
If you live on campus, you might be away from home for the first time, and away from your family, old friends and support networks. All the people who know you well, can spot when you’re struggling and would usually help you cope.
“In the corner of my bedroom, on top of a chest of drawers which sat underneath a skylight, I had the order of service from my mum’s funeral. Next to it was a peace lily which my friend had bought me, and some room spray Mum had gifted me from Morocco. Call it what you want – shrine, memorial, grave – it’s not important. But what it offered me, was a moment to think about Mum, uninterrupted.”
2. You are dealing with academic pressure
Grief can affect your ability to study. You might find it hard to focus or keep up with studies the way you previously have. Or you might find it hard to motivate yourself – studying might seem trivial after experiencing a bereavement.
University comes with lots of academic pressure – exams, essays, dissertations, seminars, lectures and lots of deadlines. You might also find that you have to return home for a while or take some time out and miss lectures and deadlines. It’s perfectly normal to struggle with your workload and feel overwhelmed.
3. You are meeting lots of new people
Going to university, meeting lots of new people and having to make new friends can be daunting, especially if you’re worried about having to tell people about your bereavement. You might not feel comfortable opening up to people you don’t know that well. Some people can be awkward when talking about death and not know what to say, but most people will want to support you.
