How to cope with loneliness over winter
Over winter, with the darker evenings, feelings of loneliness can seem more overwhelming than ever.
When you’re grieving, winter and Christmas time can be difficult. Colder and shorter days, more time spent indoors, and it can feel like you’re surrounded by memories of the person who has died. You might even feel guilty for enjoying festivities and Christmas events because you're not thinking about them as much. Whatever you're feeling is normal, try not to be hard on yourself for having good days.
No two people grieve in the same way so you might find that different family members want to do different things. Some people might want to continue traditions and remember that person, while others may want to do something new and try not to think about them. It can help to talk things through together and decide what you are going to do so you can understand each other's thoughts. Remember to look after yourself during the festive season. If things become too much, find a way to take a breather.
You could mark the memory of the person who has died by doing something special and, if you celebrate, creating a new Christmas tradition. You could light a candle in their memory or visit a place that was special to them. Maybe buy or make a new decoration for your home – you could have one with their name on, a special message for them, or just one that you know is for them.
You could use this time to learn more about your important person. Ask other people for their memories of the person who died and begin to compile their ‘life story’. If family members are together over the Christmas break, it would be a good opportunity to record them by writing them down in your phone or a notebook. You could include Christmas memories, for example: ‘What was the worst or best present they ever gave you?’ ‘What was their favourite part of the day?’
The lead up to Christmas day can be daunting for those who would usually spent time with family. Try to honour your person by doing something they would have enjoyed or something you used to do together. Was there a film they always watched, a favourite song they used to listen to, or a Christmas food they always ate? You could continue these old traditions as a way to remember them.
It might feel weird but why not buy a present for the person who has died or write them a card. You could place it on their grave or a special place or keep it in your memory box. It’s also okay to buy something for yourself from them. Did they always buy you tickets for something, clothes or chocolate coins? Why not buy it for yourself as a way to remember them.
It can be difficult when the person you want to wish a Merry Christmas or Happy New Year to is no longer here. You can write a message to them on our wish wall this year and read the messages other people have left to their important people. It might help you feel less alone in your grief.
“One of the things I always find really helps is doing things you would do with that person at this time of year. The one that’s coming to mind right now is – me and my dad would’ve watched Die Hard, so that one’s definitely coming out.”
Conor
"Christmas doesn’t have to be something you dread after losing a loved one, you could incorporate something special like lighting a candle for the day in memory of their presence and remember they are with you."
Darcey
"If your person had special traditions at Christmas, continue them in honour of their memory, or create new ones to mark new beginnings. Christmas can still be a happy time even when somebody special is missing."
Maya
"This year, I decorated my mam’s memorial tree for Christmas for the first time. I’d never thought to do anything like this before and have always struggled at Christmas, which I imagine a lot of people do. It really made me feel close to my mam and like she was a part of our old Christmas traditions."
Molly
"Always put yourself first and allow the time to grieve. Don’t hide how you’re feeling because it’s Christmas but also because it is Christmas use it as a time to celebrate lost loved ones in a positive light. I always like to buy my dad a Christmas card and have a drink for him over the Christmas period :)."
Mackenzie
"One of the secondary losses that I have experienced and will miss is my dad making a roast dinner on Christmas Day. He always made the best potatoes known to mankind and I would give anything to try them one last time (I am so, so angry that he didn't leave the recipe). Now, my grandad and auntie normally make the roast dinner and it is still amazing, but not as AMAZING as my dad's cooking.”
Daisy
Talk Grief is powered by Winston’s Wish, a childhood bereavement charity that supports grieving children and young people up to 25. If you want to talk to someone about your grief, call us on 08088 020 021 (open 8am-8pm, weekdays), email ask@winstonswish.org or use our online chat (open 8am-8pm, weekdays). If you need urgent support in a crisis, you can contact the 24/7 Winston’s Wish Crisis Messenger by texting WW to 85258.
Over winter, with the darker evenings, feelings of loneliness can seem more overwhelming than ever.
Crying is a normal response when your person has died, no matter how long ago. There's no right or wrong way to grieve, and it's okay to let it out.
A guide for grieving young people from the Winston's Wish Bereavement Support Team.
Three of our Youth Ambassadors, Anna, Libby and Angharad, reflect on their first Christmas without their person.
Winter and the Christmas holidays can be a difficult time of year. Here are five ways to remember your person this season.
Winston's Wish Bereavement Support Workers share their 8 top tips for bereaved teens and young adults through the colder months.
Youth Ambassadors share the ways they remember their person digitally, through photo albums, playlists, and more.
Youth Ambassadors, Daisy, Freya, and Katie, share their personal views of their own secondary losses as a result of their bereavement.
Hear from some of the Youth Team about times when their teachers have helped them with their grief.
Some tips for taking care of yourself when you're grieving for a celebrity or public figure.
Our Bereavement Support Team have written some guidance on how to manage grief when you feel like you aren't able to be open.
Lilly shares an introduction to her grief experience and why it's so important to her to be a Winston's Wish Youth Ambassador.
Hear from some of their Youth Team about how they found support at uni.
Angus, Content Creator, says, "This message is about embracing change and not letting current moments pass you by."
Coping strategies to support you after a teacher has died
Tips from our bereavement support team to help you with big life changes like moving out as a young adult.
Useful tips to help you understand and cope with your grief.
Feeling sad that your person isn't there, guilty that you're celebrating your results, or proud of yourself for your results. There's no right or wrong way to grieve.
It can be very difficult knowing what to say and to be around someone who has experienced the death of someone close. Adults find it difficult too, so try not to feel bad about this.
The death of a friend may feel extremely difficult and can feel as significant as that of a family member. Whatever you're feeling is valid, and there is no right or wrong way to grieve.
Jack, Content Creator, writes about how managing his grief through running has led to him winning the Leeds Half Marathon 2024!
Iman, Youth Ambassador, explains about Eid and shares what it's like for her and her family to grieve during Eid.
Miranda shares about how she uses music in different ways to help express her grief and emotions.
Ashleigh writes about how both writing and music have helped her in her grief.
The Winston's Wish bereavement support team share top tips for managing grief this Father's Day.
Grace's dad died from cancer when she was eight years old, she shares how she remembers her dad on Father’s Day.
Feelings of worry are very normal when you're grieving. Read on to discover some ways to manage these feelings.
Useful tips for exam season if you're grieving
Youth Ambassador, Iman, shares about her Eid celebrations as a grieving young person
Content Creator, Angus shares his thoughts
Useful tips for exam season
Interview with Mark O’Sullivan, writer of Tell Me Everything
Tips to help improve your sleep when you're grieving
How poetry can be a useful way to express your feelings
Young people share what it's like to grieve while studying at uni.
Our bereavement experts are available to speak to for immediate support on weekdays from 8am to 8pm.
Get top tips from bereavement experts, and hear from Youth Ambassadors, Henri and Teigan, about their experiences of Mother's Day.
Phoebe's mum died when she was nine. She shares how she feels on Mother’s Day and how she remembers her mum.