The Christmas holidays can be especially tough after someone important to you dies. When you think of Christmas, you often think of joy and family gatherings, however, if you’ve been bereaved, you may feel overwhelmed and lonely. You might feel worried about what Christmas is going to be like now your important person has died. If you're navigating this difficult time, remember that it’s okay to grieve, and there are ways to find comfort.
Here are some suggested ways to cope with the first Christmas:
1. Feel how you feel
It can feel like there is pressure to be happy and have fun on special occasions like Christmas and this can add to the struggles of grieving. The pressure could mean you want to push your feelings down and ignore them. Some people might feel guilty for enjoying some of their favourite things at Christmas time without their special person, or guilty for not enjoying themselves when other people want them to. Don’t judge yourself for how you feel; just let it be. Allow yourself to feel—sadness, anger, confusion, or even moments of happiness. It’s normal for grief to come in waves, and it’s okay to express these feelings.
2. Take time to remember your special person
You might want to set aside time to think about your person over the Christmas period. This could be lighting a candle, taking a walk to their favourite place, cooking their favourite meal, watching their favourite film or even creating a Christmas tree decoration in their memory. You might feel sad thinking about them, and that’s okay... it IS sad that they aren’t there to celebrate Christmas with you. It can be comforting to do things that help you feel close to your special person and your favourite memories. Read five ways to remember someone this winter.
3. Share your feelings
Talk to someone you trust about how you’re feeling—whether it's a friend, family member, or counsellor. Just because its Christmas it doesn’t mean your grief feelings will go away, and for many grieving young people the first Christmas without their special person can be very hard. Expressing your emotions can help lighten the load and remind you that you are not on your own with this. If you find it hard to talk, you could write a letter to your person or keep a journal to get your thoughts and feelings out.
4. Change your traditions, skip them or make new ones- there are no rules!
It’s okay to change or completely skip certain traditions or events that feel too painful this year. Be gentle to yourself. Maybe create new traditions that reflect how you feel now and help you remember your person. Christmas will probably feel different from before your special person died, and that’s because it HAS changed. Being flexible and not forcing things to stay the same can make Christmas feel more manageable. It's okay if this Christmas doesn’t feel “normal".
5. Take care of yourself
Grief can be exhausting, so don’t be surprised if you extra tired or sensitive around Christmas. It can be easy to try and stay busy to distract yourself from difficult feelings so make sure you’re eating well, getting enough rest, and finding time to slow down and do cosy things. Whether it’s going for a walk, listening to music, having a hot bath or shower or spending time with friends, find moments of joy where you can. Discover more about how to make a self-care pack here.
6. Connect with others- you’re not on your own!
Spending time with people who understand your loss can be comforting. Whether it’s family, friends, or support groups, connecting with others who are also grieving can remind you that you’re not alone in this journey.
7. Give to others
If you have enough energy, you might want to find ways to give back to others. Volunteering or fundraising for a cause close to your heart can give you a sense of meaning and purpose. You could donate, raise awareness or fundraise for a cause your person cared about or that your family has been affected by. Doing a challenge or an act of kindness could lift your spirits and help you feel connected to your special person.
8. Allow yourself to smile
It’s normal to feel guilty about having fun or enjoying Christmas after someone important dies. Try to remember that it’s OK to smile and have fun- it doesn’t take away from how much you’re missing the person who died. Finding joy doesn’t mean forgetting- embrace those moments when they come.
9. Ask for help when you need it
If your grief feels overwhelming, or you find it hard to cope, there are professionals and organisations that can help you. This could be someone at school, your GP or a counsellor or therapist. At Winston’s Wish there are people who can help you navigate your feelings and find coping strategies tailored to your needs. You can call, live chat, or email for immediate support on weekdays from 8am to 8pm. Scroll down for more details!
10. Be patient with yourself
Grief doesn’t follow a timeline and it’s normal for difficult feeling to be triggered during Christmas time. The first Christmas after a loss will look different for everyone. It’s okay to have good days and bad days during Christmas time the same as it is any other time of year. Be gentle with yourself and remember that this Christmas doesn’t have to be perfect or amazing- you might just have to get through this one.
Over time, as you grow around your grief (watch this video on TikTok) you will learn to create space for your loss and your happiness at Christmas time. But for now, on the first Christmas, give yourself space to figure things out a step at a time with the sort of kindness you would give to your best friend.
If you need to talk, we’re here to listen. You can speak to the Winston’s Wish bereavement team using one of our confidential on-demand services. You can chat with us anonymously if you wish and share whatever you are feeling. Nothing about your grief is off limits. We promise to listen, not judge and can offer advice and guidance if needed. You can speak to us as little or as often as you want.
Click the blue ‘Chat with us’ button at the bottom right of your screen between 8am-8pm, weekdays.
Call us for free on 08088 020 021 between 8am-8pm, weekdays.
If it’s urgent, text WW to 85258 to speak with someone from our trusted partner, Shout. Open 24/7.
If you need to speak to us in a language other than English, we can use interpreters over the phone, and we can use the Relay UK app if you have hearing or speech difficulties.
Bereavement support tips for those who identify as part of the LGBTQ+ community. Tap the live chat button or scroll down to find ways to contact Winston's Wish for further support.
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