How to cope with your first Christmas without your person - Youth Team
Three of our Youth Ambassadors, Anna, Libby and Angharad, reflect on their first Christmas without their person.
Milestones or life events, such as exam results day, can trigger your grief and bring up lots of emotions. From feeling sad that your important person isn’t there to share the day with, to guilty for celebrating, or feeling proud of yourself. There is no right or wrong way to feel on results day. Here are some of the ways grief can impact you on exam results day and what can help you to cope.
Studying for exams while you are grieving is hard and you should be very proud, whatever your results are. Grief can affect your concentration, meaning you drift off or can’t take things in. This can make schoolwork and revision very difficult.
You may also have had to cope with lots of other secondary losses and changes, like moving house, taking on more responsibilities at home or looking after your brothers and sisters. This might mean you had less time to concentrate on school and revising for exams. Sometimes, you can apply for ‘special consideration’ with your exams when you have experienced a bereavement. Speak to your school or college ahead of any upcoming exams and they might be able to help.
Sad that your important person isn’t there...
Results day may remind you that your special person isn’t there to share this moment with. You may miss your person telling you how proud they are of you or a friend who should be collecting their results too. Or it could make you realise that your sibling won’t ever reach this milestone. Remember that it’s okay to be sad or think and talk about your person.
Guilty for celebrating your results...
You may want to celebrate your results but feel guilty about being happy and celebrating while you should be grieving. Remember that celebrating or feeling happy isn’t a sign that you miss your person any less or that you are not grieving. You are allowed to celebrate, and it's okay to feel more than one emotion at this time.
Worried you have let people down...
You may feel like you have let people down, including the person who has died, if you don’t get the results you hoped for. Remember that doing exams while you are grieving is really hard and you should be proud of yourself. If you are able, try speaking to your school about your results, and if you want to you could find out options for resitting exams or managing your next steps.
Lonely and on your own...
If the person who died was a parent figure, you might feel like you have to do the next step, whether that’s university or college applications, clearing, appeals or placements, on your own and without their support. There are lots of people who can help – family members, friends, teachers, organisations and charities - talk to someone who can help you make a plan.
Make a plan for results day so you feel prepared to cope with the day.
Remember to be proud of yourself, even just taking exams while you are grieving is a huge achievement.
Remember that it’s okay to be sad or think about your important person.
Equally, remember that it’s okay to have fun, celebrate or feel happy and it doesn’t mean that you miss that person any less.
Talk to someone about how you feel and don’t be afraid to ask for help.
Do something to remember your special person so it feels like they are a part of your day.
Consider writing a letter to them to tell them about your results and what you are doing next. This can really help to express your feelings.
If you think you will be upset, plan to be with certain people, do something or visit a special place.
If you need to talk, we’re here to listen. You can speak to the Winston’s Wish bereavement team using one of our confidential on-demand services. You can chat with us anonymously if you wish and share whatever you are feeling. Nothing about your grief is off limits. We promise to listen, not judge and can offer advice and guidance if needed. You can speak to us as little or as often as you want.
Click the blue ‘Chat with us’ button at the bottom right of your screen between 8am-8pm, weekdays.
Call us for free on 08088 020 021 between 8am-8pm, weekdays.
If it’s urgent, text WW to 85258 to speak with someone from our trusted partner, Shout. Open 24/7.
If you need to speak to us in a language other than English, we can use interpreters over the phone, and we can use the Relay UK app if you have hearing or speech difficulties.
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