How to cope with your first Christmas without your person - Youth Team
Three of our Youth Ambassadors, Anna, Libby and Angharad, reflect on their first Christmas without their person.
This is my version of what happened. I know those around me will remember it differently. Some things I will mis-remember on purpose, some without even knowing, and some memories will change again as I change. My memory is never amazing when it comes to detail, but I remember a feeling like it’s happening right now. Forgive me if I leave questions unanswered, or details are blurry, but then maybe you’ll relate to my feelings.
Ask me about my childhood and I’ll answer ‘happy’ and maybe even ‘idyllic’. That’s honestly how it felt. In my head: a loving family, tiny village school, fabulous friends, and doting pets. On paper: single parent family, council house, different surnames to Mum and siblings.
I can’t remember ever living with my dad because he and Mum split up when I was a baby. I grew up ignorant of their violent rows – I just saw respect and a deep friendship. No schedule. No regular maintenance, but somehow, they made it work. As an adult, it’s hard to trust my own memory, but that’s the narrative my emotions have chosen.
I loved my dad. I especially loved that he was ALL MINE. Dad travelled a lot. He was a forever bachelor, unable to really take care of himself. I particularly remember hearing him have adult conversations about pneumonia, asthma and possible tropical diseases caught on planes.
I didn’t see it coming. I felt stupid for this. I was angry. I had so much left to tell him. To ask him. To discover. Two days later, I picked up my A-Level results and sobbed. Friends thought I had done awfully. I hadn’t – I was so proud of myself but so sad I couldn’t just pick up the phone and tell him. I was also terrified. All my plans were changing. I was meant to be following Mum’s footsteps and go to Uni in Wales, near Dad, but what was the point now?
Reflecting now, maybe I didn’t have time to grieve. Physically.
The next thing I knew, my boyfriend was driving me to my first day at a completely different Uni and I was staying at home with Mum. We quickly planned a funeral that my poor mum had to pay for. We all had to guess and make decisions. Again, hushed conversations over my head, “he must have seen it coming”, “why didn’t he leave plans, wishes, some money?”
So, this is my version of what happened. Even when we know death is coming, do we ever see grief coming? And would it change anything if we did?
Over the past 20 years, I’ve learned to let people in, let people help and remember that it’s okay to smile. It’s also okay to be sad. It always seems unfair that the world just keeps going and there’s no time to just step off for a while, but maybe that’s to help us all keep going.
I’ve learned to say ‘yes’ to doing things with friends, even when I haven’t felt like it. Don’t be hesitant to talk about who you’ve lost and how you feel; it may be hard to do, but worth it. Seeking support definitely helped me too, but more so my friends that allowed me that safe space and open ear. I’m a teacher now and inquisitive students (as well as my own children), asking innocent questions gently force me to think, reflect and talk, and that’s okay. I’m grateful for my dad – these experiences shape us, and no matter how you feel, it really is okay.
Three of our Youth Ambassadors, Anna, Libby and Angharad, reflect on their first Christmas without their person.
Winter and the Christmas holidays can be a difficult time of year. Here are five ways to remember your person this season.
Winston's Wish Bereavement Support Workers share their 8 top tips for bereaved teens and young adults through the colder months.
Youth Ambassadors share the ways they remember their person digitally, through photo albums, playlists, and more.
Youth Ambassadors, Daisy, Freya, and Katie, share their personal views of their own secondary losses as a result of their bereavement.
Hear from some of the Youth Team about times when their teachers have helped them with their grief.
Some tips for taking care of yourself when you're grieving for a celebrity or public figure.
Our Bereavement Support Team have written some guidance on how to manage grief when you feel like you aren't able to be open.
Lilly shares an introduction to her grief experience and why it's so important to her to be a Winston's Wish Youth Ambassador.
Hear from some of their Youth Team about how they found support at uni.
Angus, Content Creator, says, "This message is about embracing change and not letting current moments pass you by."
Coping strategies to support you after a teacher has died
Tips from our bereavement support team to help you with big life changes like moving out as a young adult.
Useful tips to help you understand and cope with your grief.
Feeling sad that your person isn't there, guilty that you're celebrating your results, or proud of yourself for your results. There's no right or wrong way to grieve.
The death of a friend may feel extremely difficult and can feel as significant as that of a family member. Whatever you're feeling is valid, and there is no right or wrong way to grieve.
Jack, Content Creator, writes about how managing his grief through running has led to him winning the Leeds Half Marathon 2024!
Iman, Youth Ambassador, explains about Eid and shares what it's like for her and her family to grieve during Eid.
Miranda shares about how she uses music in different ways to help express her grief and emotions.
Ashleigh writes about how both writing and music have helped her in her grief.
The Winston's Wish bereavement support team share top tips for managing grief this Father's Day.
Grace's dad died from cancer when she was eight years old, she shares how she remembers her dad on Father’s Day.
Feelings of worry are very normal when you're grieving. Read on to discover some ways to manage these feelings.
Useful tips for exam season if you're grieving
Youth Ambassador, Iman, shares about her Eid celebrations as a grieving young person
Content Creator, Angus shares his thoughts
Useful tips for exam season
Interview with Mark O’Sullivan, writer of Tell Me Everything
Tips to help improve your sleep when you're grieving
How poetry can be a useful way to express your feelings
Young people share what it's like to grieve while studying at uni.
Our bereavement experts are available to speak to for immediate support on weekdays from 8am to 8pm.
Get top tips from bereavement experts, and hear from Youth Ambassadors, Henri and Teigan, about their experiences of Mother's Day.
Phoebe's mum died when she was nine. She shares how she feels on Mother’s Day and how she remembers her mum.