Grief is complex and is a different experience for everyone, and there is no one right way to feel whilst grieving. It’s perfectly normal to not know how you are feeling with your grief right now.
Some young people may experience a wide range of emotions, such as anger, guilt, sadness, and confusion... but it’s absolutely okay if you’re not feeling these emotions. You may not know how you’re feeling at all. You might sometimes be feeling numb, which is also completely normal. Feeling numb and not knowing how you’re feeling can make you frustrated and defeated. Grief can be overwhelming, and your brain and body might need some time to process what has happened. When your emotions become overwhelming, it can take a little while longer to understand them and define how you’re feeling.
There are many other reasons why you may not know how you’re feeling. It may be that you are still in shock. While it is usual to feel shocked after a death, this can be particularly the case if their death was unexpected. Shock can often be seen to be a way of protecting yourself, protection from the upset and pain of someone’s death. Experiencing shock can also leave you not knowing how you’re feeling with your grief.
This can also leave you unsure of how you’re feeling at all. Avoiding your grief and wanting to continue your day-to-day life and routine as you were before your bereavement is okay, it is just your way of knowing you’re not ready to understand and process all of the emotions surrounding your grief.
Some people may feel a range of emotions immediately after a death, but it’s important to try not to compare your grief, emotions, and reactions to someone else’s. Everyone grieves differently and this doesn’t mean you should become upset or frustrated at yourself for not feeling a certain way or being able to feel anything at all. Everybody’s grief is unique.
There is no right or wrong way to grieve. No matter how you’re feeling it’s important to be patient with yourself and give yourself time to understand that however you’re feeling right now is normal. There is no set way for grieving, or a timeline of when you should be feeling a certain way. It is your grief, so allow yourself to feel, or not feel, whatever emotions come up for you. With any thought, feeling or emotion surrounding grief, try not to bottle them up or pretend you’re feeling okay when you may not be, reach out to someone you trust to talk these through.
If you are struggling with understanding how you’re feeling, you can talk to the Winston’s Wish bereavement support team, we’re here to listen.
If you need to talk, we’re here to listen. You can speak to the Winston’s Wish bereavement team using one of our confidential on-demand services. You can chat with us anonymously if you wish and share whatever you are feeling. Nothing about your grief is off limits. We promise to listen, not judge and can offer advice and guidance if needed. You can speak to us as little or as often as you want.
Click the blue ‘Chat with us’ button at the bottom right of your screen between 8am-8pm, weekdays.
Call us for free on 08088 020 021 between 8am-8pm, weekdays.
If it’s urgent, text WW to 85258 to speak with someone from our trusted partner, Shout. Open 24/7.
If you need to speak to us in a language other than English, we can use interpreters over the phone, and we can use the Relay UK app if you have hearing or speech difficulties.
Bereavement support tips for those who identify as part of the LGBTQ+ community. Tap the live chat button or scroll down to find ways to contact Winston's Wish for further support.
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