After the death of someone close to you, sleeping may be more difficult. Not being able to sleep when you are grieving can make it more difficult to remember things or affect your ability to do day to day tasks. Grief can be really confusing, and even more so if you’re tired or unable to sleep at all.
Firstly, you may be having trouble processing your grief. When someone important to you dies it can be hard to accept that they're gone, and you won’t see them again. This can lead to a lot of feelings that can be difficult to deal with, especially at night when you're alone with your thoughts.
Having nightmares or flashbacks about a death can be a common reaction to trauma, this may make it difficult for you to go back to sleep. It’s also possible to have nightmares about a death you don’t know the full details of. Your brain can often fill in the gaps for you and may create more traumatic scenes than the real situation of what happened. If you're having nightmares or flashbacks, it's important to talk to someone about them. Reaching out for some support, such as speaking to a counsellor or trusted adult can help you to understand and cope with these experiences.
Death can make you feel anxious, this is also a common reaction to loss. Lots of thoughts and feelings can arise, ‘how can I cope without them?’, ‘what was the last thing I said to them?’, or even ‘was it somehow my fault they died?’. There could be all sorts of questions and thoughts running through your mind and causing all sorts of emotions, which can make it very difficult to relax and fall asleep.
Talk about your grief with a trusted friend or family member. It is good to cry and let out emotion.
Creating a relaxing bedtime routine can help This could include taking a warm bath, reading a book, or listening to calming music. Things to avoid are; watching TV or using electronic devices in the hour before bed. Blue light emitted from these devices slows down the release of our natural melatonin (melatonin helps us to fall to sleep.)
Try to go to bed and wake up at the same time every day, routine is one of the most important things for the body to function in a healthy way.
Exercising and drinking lots of water can help you to go to sleep and stay asleep. Exercise can help to reduce stress and improve sleep quality, however, do not exercise to closely to bedtime as this will keep you awake.
Breathwork can be helpful to get to sleep and calm the brain, here you can find lots of wonderful breathing exercises to practice before bed here at School Breathe, here is a helpful breathwork video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4UUKX9gBGyE
Talk to your GP if you are unable to sleep and it’s affecting your day-to-day life.
Remember, you're not alone. Many people have trouble sleeping after someone has died. It's also important to remember that everyone grieves differently. There is no right or wrong way to feel. If you feel like you are struggling, please speak to someone.
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