How to cope with your first Christmas without your person - Youth Team
Three of our Youth Ambassadors, Anna, Libby and Angharad, reflect on their first Christmas without their person.
Let’s start by saying there is no right or wrong way to grieve... there are as many ways to grieve as there are humans in the world. We are all unique and what one person’s grief looks and feels like isn’t going to be the same as the next. There is no one-size-fits-all when it comes to grief. Why are we telling you this? Because we hope you’ll try not to compare your grieving process to others. Your experience is entirely unique to you and however you are feeling is valid and okay.
Being a teenager can be tough at the best of times, changes in hormones and your body, finding your identity, the pressures of school, friendships and developing a sense of independence are not easy things to navigate. So being bereaved as a teenager can feel incredibly intense and overwhelming. You may be feeling all sorts of emotions, and you might not be able to identify what they are. That’s completely normal. It’s also not uncommon to find yourself feeling initially numb and detached, only for the emotions to come flooding in later in all sorts of random ways and probably at what feel like the wrong times.
It’s okay if you feel like how you relate to your friends and family has shifted as well, you might feel misunderstood, lonely and different to everyone else. It might seem like their world has carried on as normal, while yours has been turned upside down.
It’s natural to feel resentment and a sense of unfairness following the death of your person. Why me? Why now? Why them? These are all understandable, natural, important questions to ask.
If it feels harder to do the things you used to enjoy, you’re more triggered by social media posts, and you’re struggling to sleep or sleeping more than you used to, that’s all normal too.
Grief changes the brain and makes us evaluate the world totally differently. Your brain when you’re grieving can cause you to worry about things you’d never considered before your person died.
Try to remember that they’re just thoughts, and thinking about something doesn’t make it any more likely to happen or come true.
These can be common concerns and worries that grieving teenagers have, it’s not surprising many teenagers choose to hold those big, messy thoughts and feelings inside.
It’s not easy to talk about how you’re feeling, and you should always try to you choose someone you trust when the time does feel right to talk about it. That person may not be your closest family member, it could be a friend, teacher, or coach. Opening up about your grief can feel like an enormous task, but there’s a reason why it often helps.
Expressing your emotions activates areas in your brain that are linked to emotional regulation (soothing yourself), so talking or expressing your grief in healthy ways can serve as a natural form of stress relief. It can help you make sense of your feelings and even lower your levels of cortisol, the ‘stress hormone.’
If you need to talk, we’re here to listen. You can speak to the Winston’s Wish bereavement team using one of our confidential on-demand services. You can chat with us anonymously if you wish and share whatever you are feeling. Nothing about your grief is off limits. We promise to listen, not judge and can offer advice and guidance if needed. You can speak to us as little or as often as you want.
Click the blue ‘Chat with us’ button at the bottom right of your screen between 8am-8pm, weekdays.
Call us for free on 08088 020 021 between 8am-8pm, weekdays.
If it’s urgent, text WW to 85258 to speak with someone from our trusted partner, Shout. Open 24/7.
If you need to speak to us in a language other than English, we can use interpreters over the phone, and we can use the Relay UK app if you have hearing or speech difficulties.
Three of our Youth Ambassadors, Anna, Libby and Angharad, reflect on their first Christmas without their person.
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