How to cope with your first Christmas without your person - Youth Team
Three of our Youth Ambassadors, Anna, Libby and Angharad, reflect on their first Christmas without their person.
For some, it might feel difficult, uncomfortable, or even a bit awkward to grieve openly because of pressures around what is or isn’t acceptable in society and among the people around you. Sadly, not all grief is treated equal. Grieving for a celebrity or public figure, an online or distant friend, a person that you didn’t have a relationship with, and even a miscarriage can all come into this category of ‘disenfranchised grief’ or ‘hidden grief’.
If you are experiencing this, here are 5 top tips on how to manage this type of grief:
1. Acknowledge your grief
It’s important to acknowledge your grief even if those around you don’t. When you don’t acknowledge your feelings, they can feel more difficult to manage, writing down or drawing your feelings can help. Even when you feel like you have to hide your grief from others, you do not have to hide it from yourself and instead can label these feelings and reassure yourself that what you are experiencing is normal and valid, just like any other grief.
2. Be gentle with yourself
You might often feel like your grief is wrong and you shouldn’t be feeling the way you do, because social norms tell you this, which can cause you to become self-critical and lead to further distress and difficult emotions. Grief is hard enough to navigate so be kind to yourself. There is no right or wrong way to grieve and reminding yourself of this can help. What can you do to be kinder to yourself? Taking a bubble bath, going for a long walk and making sure you eat a balanced diet are all examples of self-care.
3. Connect to memories
Thinking about your person can help you feel closer to them when you are grieving. Activities such as making a memory box or writing letters can help, and you can go back to these as and when you need to. Subtle reminders may feel more helpful to you as a way of acknowledging your loss without having to share this loss with others, for example wearing their favourite colour or listening to their favourite songs. Whatever you want to do to feel connected with your person is okay; this is unique to you and your grief.
4. Communicate with people you trust
Grief can feel isolating, especially when you feel unable to express our grief openly. Disenfranchised grief can make it harder to reach out to people around you, sometimes being clear in communicating your needs can help, for example you may say, “I know it might be hard to understand but this is how I am feeling right now and I just need to talk about it, can you help by listening to me?”
5. Reach out for support
It can be harder to find the support you need and the safe space to express your grief openly when you experience disenfranchised grief. At Winston Wish, we recognise all types of bereavements, and if you are grieving, please get in touch with us through our on-demand services. You are not alone.
If you need to talk, we’re here to listen. You can speak to the Winston’s Wish bereavement team using one of our confidential on-demand services. You can chat with us anonymously if you wish and share whatever you are feeling. Nothing about your grief is off limits. We promise to listen, not judge and can offer advice and guidance if needed. You can speak to us as little or as often as you want.
Click the blue ‘Chat with us’ button at the bottom right of your screen between 8am-8pm, weekdays.
Call us for free on 08088 020 021 between 8am-8pm, weekdays.
If it’s urgent, text WW to 85258 to speak with someone from our trusted partner, Shout. Open 24/7.
If you need to speak to us in a language other than English, we can use interpreters over the phone, and we can use the Relay UK app if you have hearing or speech difficulties.
Three of our Youth Ambassadors, Anna, Libby and Angharad, reflect on their first Christmas without their person.
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