Hi, I’m Lilly, I’m 25 and I’m a Winston’s Wish Youth Ambassador. Whilst feeling a little worried I was “too late” when I joined Winston’s Wish last year, I’m so glad I decided to apply to become a Youth Ambassador for this charity. I only wish I’d have known about it sooner in my grief journey. The opportunities I’ve had so far have been great and it’s so nice to be involved with an organisation dedicated to a cause I care deeply about.
I lost my mum when I was 16, and as anyone who has ever lost someone they love will know, it felt unbearable. I felt like I’d taken every moment I’d ever had with her for granted, and I really struggled to come to terms with the fact she was gone. At 16, I had all of these big things to think about… my education, my future, relationships, friendships, a whole life of my own to build and I couldn’t quite comprehend how I’d manage any of this whilst feeling so unbelievably heartbroken about what had happened to my mum.
I didn’t know of any organisations or charities like Winston’s Wish back then, and I had already struggled with my mental health in the years before losing my mum, so it felt a lot like everything just continued to crumble around me. It’s fair to say that I felt crushed under the weight of my own struggles, all I wanted to do was hide under my duvet and never come out again. Grief can make you feel so many different emotions, it can be exhausting and for me it felt like on some days I was carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders. Everywhere I went this dark rain cloud above me labelled “grief” came too. I saw a quote once that said “grief is just love with nowhere to go” and I think it’s true - grief and love do come hand in hand. To be able to feel grief you must have felt love, love so special that you’ll never forget it. But despite this; it still just made me feel so sad.
I guess over time I have learned to co-exist with my grief, it was hard, it still is some days. But it did get easier as I got older to talk to people about my mum and tell my story. To say the words “my mum died” without my voice breaking will never be easy, but I try my best to make her proud through remembering her, and making every moment count - because for some, like my mum and so many others, life is unfairly short.
I started using art & creativity as a way to express myself and this has played a huge part in my journey over the years, it also helped me to process my grief in a way that didn’t require me to talk about it when I couldn’t find the right words, which I found really helpful. My mum loved art too, she was an amazing artist, so I always feel close to her when doing something arty. Sometimes when I find myself missing her, I like to remind myself that it’s okay to still feel lost sometimes, it’s okay to still cry, and no matter what anyone says, you don’t ever have to “get over it”.
My message to other young grieving people would be that although it might feel like things will never be okay again, you can still live your life whilst remembering your person. Despite my struggles over the years, I’ve managed to get a job that I adore, learned to laugh and have fun all over again, and slowly but surely I have built a little life I’m proud of. I wear a locket necklace with a photo of my mum inside every single day. It has a compass engraved on the front and I love this design because now, wherever life takes me, I trust she will always be guiding me in the right direction. I never take it off, so she’s always right there with me.
I became a Winston’s Wish Youth Ambassador to meet other young people who have experienced grief at a young age, to share my story so other young grieving people don’t feel alone, to do something positive with my grief, to honour my mum, and to support a charity that does vital work for grieving children and young people, which just means so much to me. Thanks for having me Winston’s Wish. I’m so grateful, more than you’ll ever know.
- Lilly
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Our bereavement experts are available to speak to for immediate support on weekdays from 8am to 8pm.
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Phoebe's mum died when she was nine. She shares how she feels on Mother’s Day and how she remembers her mum.
