How to cope with your first Christmas without your person - Youth Team
Three of our Youth Ambassadors, Anna, Libby and Angharad, reflect on their first Christmas without their person.
You spend a lot of time with your teachers and classmates, so the death of a teacher can have a huge impact and be a difficult experience to cope with. Teachers have an important role in their lives of their students and it’s completely normal to grieve for them. In this article, we share an explanation of how you might feel and ways to cope with your grief, including:
An explanation of what grief is
How you might feel after the death of your teacher
Finding ways to remember your teacher
Different coping strategies for grief
Grief is the term used to describe the feelings you have after someone has died. Grief is different for everyone and can vary depending on your personal life, experience, circumstances and current emotions.
You may have heard of the ‘stages of grief’ which is the idea that you go through a journey of emotions from denial to acceptance and your grief will get smaller over time. In reality, grief is not that simple. It’s different for everyone, it doesn’t follow a straight line and it can stay with you throughout your life.
We prefer the idea of ‘growing around grief’ which was developed by Lois Tonkin. Rather than getting smaller over time, our grief stays the same size but in time we grow around the grief, so we have space for other thoughts, experiences and emotions. Some days, grief takes up all the space and some days you have room for other feelings and experiences. This video explains it:
We often think of grief as sadness, but it can include a whole range of feelings and is not straightforward. Yes, you might feel sad, but you also might feel angry, confused, guilty or numb. Or you might feel something completely different or a mixture of all these feelings. There is no right or wrong way to feel after the death of a teacher.
How you feel might depend on the relationship you had with your teacher and also other things going on in your life. For example, if you’ve experienced a previous bereavement then you might find that the loss of your teacher brings up feelings around this other loss.
Some of your classmates may not appear to be that upset while others might be deeply affected by your teacher’s death. Try not to compare yourself and be understanding of other people’s feelings.
You might want to find ways to remember and celebrate your teacher. There are lots of ways you could do this, and your school or college might have arranged something that you could get involved in:
There might be a memorial service or a book of remembrance you could contribute to if you wanted.
You could create a memory box to keep items and memories about your teacher. [link to memory box activity]
We have an online memorial wall where anyone can share a memory or tribute – maybe you could share something about your teacher.
Maybe your class or a group of students could do an activity the teacher enjoyed in their memory or raise money for a charity that meant something to them or you.
Different coping strategies will work for different people but here are a few ideas of things you could try to help you cope with grief after the death of a teacher:
Whatever you are feeling, it’s usually better to find a way to express them rather than bottle them up. Things can often seem much worse in your head than when you speak about them. You could find someone you trust to talk to – maybe a friend, family member, someone at school or you can talk to us (see below for how to contact us).
If you don’t feel like you can talk to someone, why not try writing things down? You could write a letter or write in a journal. You can share your writing with someone or keep it to yourself. Often just writing something down can make you feel better.
Grief can by physically and emotionally exhausting. It’s important to look after yourself. Try to keep to your routines, make sure you eat healthy food and get enough sleep. When you’re struggling with your emotions, physical activity can help. You don’t have to run a marathon, just getting outside for a walk, doing an exercise class or a yoga video can help.
Whether you’re struggling with your feelings, not sure how to express your thoughts or trying to find ways to remember your person who has died, we have lots of ideas to help.
View grief toolkit
Three of our Youth Ambassadors, Anna, Libby and Angharad, reflect on their first Christmas without their person.
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