8 ways to manage grief after being bereaved of both parents
Find ways to cope with grief and its emotions as a teen or young adult without their parents.
If you want to look after your bones, you need to make sure you have enough calcium in your diet, if you want to look after your heart, you need to exercise, and if you want to look after your teeth you need to brush them twice a day. But how do you look after your mental health after someone important to you dies?
A night of restful sleep can make a huge difference to your mental health, but sleep can often be the first thing that changes when someone important dies. Maybe you’ve lost your normal routine, or the change of mood is enough to keep you up at night. Maybe when you get into bed you can’t fall asleep, but all you want during the day is to go to sleep.
Sleep is a tricky but important to prioritise. Falling asleep, staying asleep, and having a restful night’s sleep will make you feel better and start to improve your mental health. Check out more information and tips on sleep here. If your sleep issues continue, talk to your GP as they may be able to recommend further help.
Being compassionate towards yourself has a huge impact on mental health. Being compassionate means being kind, it’s important to treat yourself and others with kindness... just like Harry Styles says. Try not to make judgements about yourself or how you think and feel, instead, let yourself feel and acknowledge your emotions as they come and go.
People are always working at having good mental health, it’s not something that gets ‘fixed’ and remains the same. Every step you make is an achievement, and being kind to yourself might mean wiping the slate clean of all the things you think you haven’t done ‘right’ each evening and starting afresh each day.
Treats and things to look forward to are important, as well as allowing yourself to have fun. It could be something as small as a delicious, sweet drink at the end of the day, or as big as planning a holiday for the summer. Try and build into your life things that reward you and know that it’s okay to feel proud of yourself when you find something that makes you feel better.
Often, when someone important dies, it can be easy to forget that having fun is perfectly fine and normal. You don’t have to smile (although this is okay too!) but having something nice like a soak in the bath or watching YouTube can help to build and keep your mood and feeling good about your mental health.
Food is really important for your mental health. Food is not just for enjoyment but also works as fuel for your body and brain. Eating a balanced diet that has lots of fruit and vegetables, fish, meat, seeds, and nuts, gives your brain all the fuel it needs to stay healthy. It might sound annoying, but it’s amazing the difference this can make.
If you struggle with this idea, try writing a menu for the week ahead, find recipes on TikTok, or create a Pinterest board with food ideas. Often when your mental health is struggling, you might resort to simple comfort foods, or your appetite reduces. That’s normal, and you may have to keep working at this to get into a rhythm.
When talking about having a routine, that doesn’t mean having every single part of your day planned. What it means is trying and get up and go to bed at the same time as much as possible. Try and eat three meals a day at similar times. Try to work towards small goals that day or week to make you feel like you’ve achieved something. Humans are creatures of habit, and your brain likes to know what’s happening (even if it’s nothing). Getting into a routine can feel overwhelming so try and introduce it slowly.
It can be really good to talk out loud to someone to relieve what is going on inside your head. Talk about what’s been going on lately, talk about what is going well, talk about what is annoying you. Tell someone about how much you miss your person, tell funny stories about them, or talk about something completely unrelated to your grief. If you feel you can’t talk to anyone you know, use our phone or live chat services to have a chat with our team. You can chat with us every day if you want to, or just once a year, it’s up to you.
Try and find like-minded people and spend time with them. Maybe it’s a group of people where someone important has died or an online community following the same people on social media. You might find a new group to join where you could be doing an activity you enjoy like a youth club or a choir. Spending time with others who ‘get’ you or doing something you enjoy releases chemicals in your brain that help you feel good and feel connected to other people.
You might hear the phrases ‘be present’, ‘stay in the moment’ or ‘be mindful’, but what does this really mean? It might mean just thinking about what is in front of you at that moment in time. There are some great ways to focus on your immediate surroundings, such as your breathing, or trying the 5-4-3-2-1 technique: notice 5 things you can see around you, 4 things you can feel, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell or taste, and 1 thing that makes you feel better. Sometimes taking the time to do this when you’re in a busy place or at home on your own can settle any anxious thoughts or feelings you may be having.
If you need to talk, we’re here to listen. You can speak to the Winston’s Wish bereavement team using one of our confidential on-demand services. You can chat with us anonymously if you wish and share whatever you are feeling. Nothing about your grief is off limits. We promise to listen, not judge and can offer advice and guidance if needed. You can speak to us as little or as often as you want.
Click the blue ‘Chat with us’ button at the bottom right of your screen between 8am-8pm, weekdays.
Call us for free on 08088 020 021 between 8am-8pm, weekdays.
If it’s urgent, text WW to 85258 to speak with someone from our trusted partner, Shout. Open 24/7.
If you need to speak to us in a language other than English, we can use interpreters over the phone, and we can use the Relay UK app if you have hearing or speech difficulties.
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