Grief, much like love, is a universal language that we can all understand. When someone dies, it can be incredibly difficult, and for young people in the LGBTQ+ community, the pain can feel even more isolating, and you may face barriers that cisgender and heterosexual people often don’t.
When you’re navigating grief and dealing with the complexities of identity, your experiences can sometimes feel like they’re not understood or acknowledged by others. But you are not alone, and your grief matters.
Here are some things to remember and help you cope:
Grief doesn’t have a set timeline or “right” way to look. No matter who you've lost—whether it’s a family member, friend, or someone in your chosen family—your pain is real, and you deserve to feel it. Your emotions, your memories, and your ways of expressing your grief are personal.
LGBTQ+ relationships associated with the person who has died can sometimes be seen as invalid by family members, which can result in your feelings and opinions not being considered following the death. We know how important being involved and included is for grieving young people, so where opportunities for this are limited or even prohibited, you may feel hurt and left out.
If your sexual orientation or gender is not known to anyone, especially the person who has died, you may experience many emotions and have questions such as, ‘Would they have loved me the same if they knew?’ It might be useful to reach out for support so that you can explore these feelings in a safe and confidential space.
The LGBTQ+ community has long been about chosen family, and during tough times like grief, this chosen family can be a lifeline. Reach out to people who understand and support you—people who won’t judge you for your identity and can stand with you through the sadness. If you're feeling isolated, online communities, support groups, or therapy can also offer space to connect with others who get what you're going through. For example, Mermaids UK have a youth group for gender diverse and/or transgender young people between 12 and 19 years old.
Try not to compare your grief to others, you and your relationship with the person who has died are unique, and grief manifests differently for everyone. It’s okay to feel anger, confusion, numbness, and moments of joy. You might also face the added challenge of navigating spaces where your identity isn't fully accepted or understood, or the identity of the person who has died. This is where creating your own support system can be especially important.
You may feel that your special person is being misremembered due to a lack of acknowledgement of their identity or sexual orientation. The heterosexual bias in society can be insensitive and may lead to increased levels of anger and exhaustion due to feeling as though you need to continuously correct others about the assumptions they have made.
It is important that you find ways to honour the person you've lost that feel authentic for you and your relationship with them. Whether through writing, art, rituals, or remembering the moments that meant the most to you, what matters is how you choose to hold onto their memory. You can do this on your terms—there’s no right or wrong way to remember someone special to you.
In the midst of grief, it's easy to forget about yourself. Whether it’s taking time to rest, setting boundaries with others, or seeking professional help when needed, taking care of your mental and emotional well-being can help you process your grief.
There’s no shame in asking for help when grief feels overwhelming. Winston’s Wish services can provide much-needed, non-judgemental support at this time for you. Scroll down to find out how to speak to us or tap on the blue chat bubble to message with someone immediately from 8am to 8pm on weekdays.
While grief is painful, remember you're not alone. Reach out for support when you need it and give yourself permission to grieve in your own way. The road of grieving is not linear, but one step at a time, you will find your way.
You are valid, your grief is valid, and your journey is yours to take at your own pace.
If you need to talk, we’re here to listen. You can speak to the Winston’s Wish bereavement team using one of our confidential on-demand services. You can chat with us anonymously if you wish and share whatever you are feeling. Nothing about your grief is off limits. We promise to listen, not judge and can offer advice and guidance if needed. You can speak to us as little or as often as you want.
Click the blue ‘Chat with us’ button at the bottom right of your screen between 8am-8pm, weekdays.
Call us for free on 08088 020 021 between 8am-8pm, weekdays.
If it’s urgent, text WW to 85258 to speak with someone from our trusted partner, Shout. Open 24/7.
If you need to speak to us in a language other than English, we can use interpreters over the phone, and we can use the Relay UK app if you have hearing or speech difficulties.
Bereavement support tips for those who identify as part of the LGBTQ+ community. Tap the live chat button or scroll down to find ways to contact Winston's Wish for further support.
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