How to cope with loneliness over winter
Over winter, with the darker evenings, feelings of loneliness can seem more overwhelming than ever.
Written by Winston’s Wish Content Creator, Alex Overton
Disclaimer – This blog post contains spoilers for the BBC TV Series, ‘Ghosts’. If you’re not ready for plot revelations, you might want to bookmark this one for later.
Why her? Why now? What does this mean?
Death and the concept of ghosts go hand in hand, right? But ghosts feeling grief and depicting an array of emotions so perfectly was a new one on me.
The episode, ‘Gone Gone’ (in series 4), starts shockingly with “fennel-loving” Mary ‘moving on’. (If you’ve ever watched the series, you’ll know how they describe this inescapable process). It’s so sudden and unexpected for the audience and other characters alike. This was the first thing that resonated for me - death is always a shock, always feels sudden, even if you know it’s coming. Each character shared such poignant lines, “she was there and then she was not there.” “Why her? Why now? What does this mean?” Many of us can relate to this confusion.
There is a perfect scene in this episode that helped me, even now years on, to understand the ‘stages of grief’. (I don’t think there are stages, more an ocean of different emotions that ebb and flow, that are sometimes calm, sometimes stormy, that occasionally swell, that can never really be controlled but are powerful and natural all the same). The ghosts each stand in a semi-circle being confronted by the only human that can see them, Alison. Kitty wails, lost and in need of comfort. Captain tries to stay busy (“because if I stop then…”). Thomas “thought words would make sense of it all, but [he] was wrong.” Julian is angry about everything! Lady Button tries to take control of how everyone should act and react, “you should be wearing black!” Pat tries to comfort Kitty, inventing stories for her (and himself) to clutch onto for comfort. Only Robin seems unaffected until he admits that he has “seen this many times”- he is a caveman and the oldest of the ghosts after all. “I can’t do this every time … the pain.” We then realise he shares a sense of acceptance, but also self-preservation.
The elephant in the room
Alison reassures them all that it’s ok to talk about ‘the elephant in the room’. Why is it something we will all experience, something we can’t help but think about, yet find it so hard to talk about? The perfect staging and the line, “Grief unites us all,” epitomises this for me. I was in awe of how simply and effectively it was presented.
Interestingly, this was all juxtaposed with a chaotic children’s party. (Fans will know that this is a comedy series and expect nothing less!) I know this was a clever way to keep the atmosphere light and appeal to a wide audience, but I also thought it was cleverly trying to show the joy of life, youth and new beginnings, and maybe tell us all to enjoy life whilst we can.
The episode ends with such a beautiful tribute to Mary remembered as a twinkling star in the sky with all other previous ghosts.
The message: feel how we feel. All feelings are valid. And do what YOU want to remind yourself of your loved one. There is no right way to feel, no right way to grieve, no right way to remember. Talking, sharing and being together WILL help. Let others look after you.
And more importantly: no one is ever really ‘gone gone’.
Over winter, with the darker evenings, feelings of loneliness can seem more overwhelming than ever.
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