How to cope with loneliness over winter
Over winter, with the darker evenings, feelings of loneliness can seem more overwhelming than ever.
Music has been a huge part of my life since I was little, and it has been a really helpful and comforting outlet since my dad died 10 months ago, both to express my emotions and to have fun distracting myself from grief when it gets too much. I really believe that there’s some sort of music for everyone that can provide some comfort in whatever you’re going through, especially grief, as it often contains so many emotional connections.
I love listening to music, especially when I’m studying or tidying up. I might have got that from my dad as he didn’t like silence when he was doing work either. Listening to my favourite songs helps keep me grounded and relaxed if I’m feeling overwhelmed, but on the other hand I am very much a lyrics person so I have a lot of songs that mean a lot to me. I have a grief playlist where I store the songs that have beautiful lyrics that I interpret to be grief related and I put it on when I feel like I need to have a cry, and I also have a playlist for songs that remind me of my Dad as a person, like ones he used to add to the family playlist in the car or ones we would sing around the house together.
I find that music is a really good conversation opener about grief too – my little brother and I have recently started unintentionally merging our music tastes, and even if we don’t talk much about deeper topics, knowing that we both like the same sad songs can be really comforting. I recently went to see a Taylor Swift concert with my friend, and ended up crying during one of the sadder songs, which then led to a conversation about my Dad and how he would be proud of me. I think the wide range of emotions that music evokes, especially live music, is really special. Concerts can be really cathartic to attend; singing along at the top of your lungs helps to forget about everything, but equally, screaming harrowing lyrics along with lots of other people reminds you that you’re not alone in your grief. There have been a couple of times where I’ve found that the lyrics of a sad song I have happened to be listening to have been a good avenue towards opening up about my grief, because songs can so often relate to mood and emotions and it’s easy to find common ground with people through music.
Making music is also a really good outlet for grief. I’ve been playing instruments and singing since I was 5 or 6, and I’m really lucky that my school has an amazing music department with a lot of opportunities to join orchestras, choirs and bands. Whilst I have been involved with these for a long time, in the last year I’ve found that playing the bassoon in various ensembles and singing in the choir has really given me something to work towards that didn’t have to be academic. I’ve also managed to make some really lovely friends through my school choir, who make me laugh a lot, so when we rehearse twice a week it’s such a brilliant opportunity to relax by giggling with them, and singing is scientifically proven to improve your mood! My Dad always championed the musical events at my school, so being around people who understand why music is so special has been lovely and it has allowed me to have so much encouragement when I perform in concerts. This will of course never replace the encouragement from my Dad, but I would have felt really lonely at these sorts of events and school concerts without the loving community of the music department around me.
I’ve also lost track of the number of hours I’ve spent in my room playing my guitar or my keyboard, singing along to my favourite songs – it’s a really good way to process everything, and my Dad used to love hearing me play the piano, so it also connects me to him.
Music is a really special way to connect with your grief and I would encourage anyone to create a grief playlist to help them to remember their person or acknowledge their feelings.
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