How to cope with loneliness over winter
Over winter, with the darker evenings, feelings of loneliness can seem more overwhelming than ever.
Grieving when you're away from home can feel really tough sometimes. Changes to your regular routine and life before university may trigger emotions and make you feel like you're at the start of your grief all over again. It's completely normal to be hit with these feelings and find starting this next chapter to be complicated and harder than you may have thought.
If you need to reach out for support, try speaking to your university lecturer or going straight to student support. There will most likely be resources available for grief through your uni or college, but you'll have to take the next step step and ask for them.
Daisy and Henri are Youth Ambassadors who have very different grief experiences. They've each decided to share how starting university without their person felt for them.
"It felt like a big event that he was missing out on. Seeing other freshers unpacking their things with both parents felt like a stab in the chest. I felt jealous that they were lucky enough to have their dads be a part of this stage in their lives, something they probably didn’t think twice about. It was sad knowing how he was missing out on this stage in his daughter’s life.
Being away from home almost intensified the grief as I always feel closer to my dad when I’m at home. Home is full of memories – whether it’s memories of barbeques in the garden or opening Christmas presents in the living room. Fortunately, I have found a friend who has lost a parent which has made the process much easier. Having someone who not only understands what it is like to have lost a parent so young, but also someone who is grieving at university has been a comfort and made the experience a lot easier for both of us."
"Starting at uni was hard. Starting with a group of people who don’t know you can feel lonely when struggling with difficult emotions and thoughts. No one knew my situation and I had constant anxiety about when it would eventually be brought up. I enjoyed making new friends but I always knew the questions such as “what do your parents do” or “will your parents be visiting” would be coming up.
Frequent thoughts of if I had chosen the right subject, if I will graduate and if I will get a good job after always relate back to my mum. I realised she won’t know what my talents are, my interests or what job I will get. This is hard to accept.
I’ve been at uni 3 years so far and everything I do leads up to my graduation day. I graduate next year which is meant to be a happy and positive day. I am already dreading it. It will be a big milestone achievement that my mum won’t be there for. This makes being at uni hard as the main end of uni achievement is something I’m not looking forward to."
Often, staying silent about how you're feeling can cause emotions to become squashed down inside instead of released. Talking to someone might not feel like the right thing for you right now, and that's okay. There are lots of ways to let out your sadness, anger, confusion, whatever you might be feeling. Visit our Grief Toolkit for some suggestions or you can read Ways to Cope with Grief at University.
You could also listen to the Grief in Common podcast, there's an episode all about how grief feels at uni from Youth Ambassadors, Annabelle and Abigail. These episodes aim to help young grieving people feel less alone. Tap the image below to go straight to YouTube or tap Spotify.
Your experiences as a bereaved young person can help give hope to others who are struggling with the death of someone important. We’re proud to have a dynamic youth team who help us to raise awareness, challenge the myths about grief, share their stories and help to shape the future of youth bereavement services in the UK. Want in?
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Over winter, with the darker evenings, feelings of loneliness can seem more overwhelming than ever.
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